Attachment Therapy

Understand the patterns you fall into when people get close or pull away, and find steadier ground, by secure video.

Accredited therapists Fully confidential Evening & weekend times

Everything is confidentialWhat you say in a session stays in the session.

Secure video, Ireland-wideFrom wherever you feel comfortable, on any device.

No GP referral neededBook online in a couple of minutes.

Evening and weekend timesSessions that fit around work and family.

Some people feel uneasy the moment someone gets close. Others feel panicky the moment someone pulls away. If you find yourself checking whether a partner is annoyed with you, or going quiet for days after a row, or picking people who were never really available in the first place, there is usually a reason for it, and it is rarely about being too much or too difficult.

Online therapy gives you a private, confidential place to look at those patterns with an accredited therapist, by secure video, from wherever you are in Ireland. No waiting room, no commute. Just an hour where you can say the awkward things out loud.

What are attachment issues, and how can they affect my relationships?

Attachment theory started with the work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, and the basic idea is simple enough. The care you got early on teaches you what to expect from closeness: whether people stay, whether it is safe to need something, whether you will be a nuisance if you ask. Inconsistent care, loss, a parent who was there but not really there, trauma, or a later relationship that went badly can all shape those expectations. None of it fixes your future. It just sets a default you never consciously chose.

Attachment styles are usually described in four broad patterns. Most people recognise bits of themselves in more than one, and the pattern can shift depending on who you are with.

Pattern	What it can look like day to day
Secure	Closeness feels reasonably comfortable. You can ask for things and tolerate a bit of distance.
Anxious	Fear of abandonment, reassurance seeking, reading tone into a short text, difficulty settling after conflict.
Avoidant	Discomfort with emotional vulnerability, withdrawing when things get intense, preferring to handle everything yourself.
Disorganised	Wanting closeness and fearing it at the same time, often where there is a history of trauma or frightening early experiences.

In close relationships this can show up as difficulty trusting people, sharp conflict over small things, going cold, over-explaining, or low self-esteem that quietly runs the whole show.

Worth being clear about one thing. Insecure attachment patterns in adults are not the same as a diagnosed attachment disorder. Reactive attachment disorder and disinhibited social engagement disorder are specific diagnoses defined in childhood in classifications such as the WHO's ICD, and they are not something to conclude about yourself from a quiz online. A therapist can help you make sense of what is actually going on rather than fitting yourself to a label.

How do I know if attachment-focused therapy is right for me?

You do not need a diagnosis, and you do not need to know your attachment style before you start. Plenty of people arrive saying only that relationships keep going the same way and they cannot work out why.

It may be worth talking to someone if you notice:

the same ending, again, with different people
finding it hard to bond, even when you like the person
rejection or criticism landing far harder than it seems to for other people
choosing partners who cannot really be available
not being able to say what you need until it comes out as anger

This work can touch romantic relationships, friendships, family, parenting, and how you treat yourself. Attachment difficulties also sit alongside anxiety, depression and trauma quite often, so a good therapist looks at your wider circumstances before deciding where to start. Services listed by the HSE can be a useful reference point if you are unsure how your situation fits.

Not sure if this is the right fit?

A first session is just a conversation.

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How does online therapy for attachment issues work?

It starts with a conversation, not an assessment form. You book online, a private encrypted video link arrives by email, and nothing needs installing.

Stage	What happens
First session	You talk about what brought you, what you are hoping for, and whether the fit feels right.
Early sessions	Your therapist gets a sense of your history and current relationships, and you agree what you want to work on.
Ongoing work	Usually weekly or fortnightly 50 minute sessions, at your pace.
Reviews	Every so often you stand back together and check what is changing and what is not.

A typical session often starts with something recent: a row at home, a message you read four times, a friend you have not replied to in a fortnight. From there you look at what set it off, what you did to protect yourself, and where you might have learned that response. Then, gradually, you try something different.

The relationship with your therapist matters more than any technique here. It is a steady, reliable place to practise trust, boundaries and saying difficult things, with someone who does not withdraw when you do. Because it is all by video, you can attend from Donegal or Waterford or a parked car outside the office, and you are not limited to whoever happens to practise in your town.

Which therapy approaches can help with adult attachment issues?

Attachment-focused therapy is not one fixed technique. Most therapists draw on a few approaches depending on your history, what you want and what else is going on.

Individual psychotherapy, including psychodynamic work that traces present patterns back to earlier experiences
Cognitive analytic therapy, which maps the relationship cycles you keep repeating
CBT and behavioural work for the beliefs underneath it, like "if I need something, they will leave", and for the avoidance that keeps those beliefs intact
Experiential and Gestalt techniques, which work with what you feel in the moment rather than only what you think about it
Humanistic therapy, which builds self-compassion and a steadier sense of your own worth

Individual work usually suits personal patterns, self-esteem and trauma. Couples therapy suits the cycle itself: the pursue and withdraw loop, the arguments that always end the same way, learning to respond when your partner is upset rather than defending yourself. Many people do both at different times. Grounding, mindfulness, sleep and exercise help alongside therapy, though they are not a substitute for it.

Is online therapy effective, and how long might it take?

Research into talking therapy delivered by video has generally been encouraging for common difficulties such as anxiety and low mood, and it is now a mainstream way to attend. Attachment-focused work specifically has been studied less, so the honest answer is that outcomes depend on the therapist's training, the fit between you, how complex things are, and how much you engage. Some people find video easier and more private than sitting in a room. Others read a person better in person. Both are reasonable.

Attachment patterns can change. Nobody can promise a quick fix. What tends to shift first is smaller and less dramatic:

noticing the reaction while it is happening, instead of afterwards
settling down more quickly after conflict
saying what you need before it builds up
holding a boundary without feeling you have done something cruel

Some people come for focused short-term work of a few months. Others stay longer, particularly where there is trauma in the picture. There is no set number of sessions, and you review it together as you go. Guidance from the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy is a useful reference on what to expect from accredited practice.

Frequently asked questions

How much does online attachment therapy cost in Ireland?

Private counselling and psychotherapy fees in Ireland are set by each therapist rather than by any national rate, so the honest answer is to check the therapist's own listed fee before you book. Cost is usually affected by qualifications and experience, session length, and whether the work is individual or couples, since couples sessions are often longer and priced accordingly. Ask about the cancellation policy, whether any reduced-fee places are available, whether your policy contributes anything (your insurer or the Health Insurance Authority can confirm what counselling cover your plan includes), and whether your employer runs an Employee Assistance Programme, which often covers a set number of sessions at no cost to you.

How can I find a qualified attachment therapist who works online in Ireland?

Check that the therapist is accredited with a recognised professional body such as the IACP, or registered with the Psychological Society of Ireland if you are looking for a psychologist, and note that statutory regulation of counsellors and psychotherapists in Ireland is being brought in through CORU. Beyond the letters, ask directly about attachment-focused or relational training, experience with the kind of difficulty you are bringing, how long they have worked online, and whether they hold professional insurance. Most therapists will happily use a short introductory conversation to answer that, and you are allowed to try someone else if the fit is not right.

Is online therapy private and secure, and what happens if I am in crisis?

Sessions take place on an encrypted video link, your records are handled under GDPR as overseen by the Data Protection Commission, and your therapist will explain confidentiality and its limits at the start, including the rare situations where there is a risk to you or someone else. It helps to sort out the practical side too: somewhere private, headphones, and an agreed plan for what happens if the connection drops. Routine online therapy is not an emergency service, so if you are in immediate danger use the supports below.

Support	Contact
Immediate danger to life	112 or 999, or your nearest emergency department
Samaritans	Freephone 116 123, any time, day or night
Pieta	Freephone 1800 247 247, or text HELP to 51444
Your GP or HSE mental health services	For ongoing or urgent mental health support

How can I take the next step towards healthier relationships?

If any of this sounded familiar, you can book an initial confidential online consultation with a therapist who works with adult attachment issues. Booking takes about two minutes, no account and no GP letter needed, and there are evening and weekend times.

The first conversation is yours to use. It can cover:

what has been happening in your relationships and what you would like to be different
whether individual or couples therapy makes more sense for now
how often to meet, and what the work might involve
whether this therapist feels like the right person to talk to

You do not have to have it all worked out before you start. That is rather the point of the first session.